Identity
So... are we supposed to call you Katie now?
I'm sorry, but you'll just always be Kathryn to me!
It might be difficult, but I'm really going to try to call you Katie!
Hey, Katie, what's up?
These are some characteristic responses to a change I've made; those of you who receive emails from me or use social networking sites like Facebook or Myspace have noticed that I'm now referring to myself as Katie.
I am in an intensive week-long class this week; six hours a day every day (except today), essentially cramming 10 weeks worth of classes into one week. On the first day, I was wondering how I should introduce myself, since about 8 or 9 of the 20 people in the room knew me as Kathryn. However, I didn't have to worry about it for long; the professor announced that for the introduction activity, we were going to free write for 5 minutes about our name. I think what I wrote sums up pretty well the emotional reasons for switching back to Katie. While the most true statement I could say about this right now is that I simply feel that Katie is more representative of my identity than Kathryn, I think this free write explains some of the depth behind that. I want to emphasize it's only some of the depth. I could have probably written for 15 or 20 minutes about this, but we only had five.
My name is Katie. It is playful, brave, beautiful, and loved. On the day I was born I was supposed to be named something different but when my parents saw my face for the first time with wide bright eyes and a full head of hair they knew I was Katie. They put Kathryn on my birth certificate in case I wanted to be a lawyer or something and needed a serious name. Kathryn is serious, responsible, quiet and reserved. Kathryn is looked up to; Katie is a peer. Kathryn carries the weight of the world and the family on her shoulders. Katie is free to be to speak to think to act. When I was nine my family and my life asked me to grow up and be an adult Right Now. I wasn't ready so I took on the name Kathryn and wore it like a badge of courage. A mask. Not me. What others wanted me to be. I am part of Kathryn, responsible, dependable, reserved. But deep down I am Katie. Playful, loved, beautiful, free. Katie. Me.
My classmates were delighted by my revelation; at the break, one of the women said to me, "I'm so excited we get to call you Katie now!" Several of them agreed with me that Katie represented me more accurately than Kathryn. I don't expect anyone to use Katie; some of you have always known me as Kathryn, or for at least the last 16 years. Others of you have used other nicknames, like Kat or Kath (or some people have even used Kip or Kit). Those nicknames actually mean a great deal to me, so I don't want to lose them in this change. I guess the way I would word it is that Katie and Kathryn are both my names. When I refer to myself as Katie, I don't feel I am using a nickname, I'm returning to the name my parents chose; the name I was always supposed to have. Kathryn will always be part of my identity too, and I will always answer to that.
The bottom line is that I'm not demanding that anyone use Katie instead of Kathryn. The most that I ask of anyone is that, with the knowledge of what it means to me to be Katie instead of Kathryn, you make the choice of which name or nickname you feel most authentically expresses your relationship with me.
I'm sorry, but you'll just always be Kathryn to me!
It might be difficult, but I'm really going to try to call you Katie!
Hey, Katie, what's up?
These are some characteristic responses to a change I've made; those of you who receive emails from me or use social networking sites like Facebook or Myspace have noticed that I'm now referring to myself as Katie.
I am in an intensive week-long class this week; six hours a day every day (except today), essentially cramming 10 weeks worth of classes into one week. On the first day, I was wondering how I should introduce myself, since about 8 or 9 of the 20 people in the room knew me as Kathryn. However, I didn't have to worry about it for long; the professor announced that for the introduction activity, we were going to free write for 5 minutes about our name. I think what I wrote sums up pretty well the emotional reasons for switching back to Katie. While the most true statement I could say about this right now is that I simply feel that Katie is more representative of my identity than Kathryn, I think this free write explains some of the depth behind that. I want to emphasize it's only some of the depth. I could have probably written for 15 or 20 minutes about this, but we only had five.
My name is Katie. It is playful, brave, beautiful, and loved. On the day I was born I was supposed to be named something different but when my parents saw my face for the first time with wide bright eyes and a full head of hair they knew I was Katie. They put Kathryn on my birth certificate in case I wanted to be a lawyer or something and needed a serious name. Kathryn is serious, responsible, quiet and reserved. Kathryn is looked up to; Katie is a peer. Kathryn carries the weight of the world and the family on her shoulders. Katie is free to be to speak to think to act. When I was nine my family and my life asked me to grow up and be an adult Right Now. I wasn't ready so I took on the name Kathryn and wore it like a badge of courage. A mask. Not me. What others wanted me to be. I am part of Kathryn, responsible, dependable, reserved. But deep down I am Katie. Playful, loved, beautiful, free. Katie. Me.
My classmates were delighted by my revelation; at the break, one of the women said to me, "I'm so excited we get to call you Katie now!" Several of them agreed with me that Katie represented me more accurately than Kathryn. I don't expect anyone to use Katie; some of you have always known me as Kathryn, or for at least the last 16 years. Others of you have used other nicknames, like Kat or Kath (or some people have even used Kip or Kit). Those nicknames actually mean a great deal to me, so I don't want to lose them in this change. I guess the way I would word it is that Katie and Kathryn are both my names. When I refer to myself as Katie, I don't feel I am using a nickname, I'm returning to the name my parents chose; the name I was always supposed to have. Kathryn will always be part of my identity too, and I will always answer to that.
The bottom line is that I'm not demanding that anyone use Katie instead of Kathryn. The most that I ask of anyone is that, with the knowledge of what it means to me to be Katie instead of Kathryn, you make the choice of which name or nickname you feel most authentically expresses your relationship with me.
posted by Kathryn at 11:47 AM
1 Comments:
I named my daughter Caitlin so she could be called Cait without the more formal version tagging along. It fits her too! Good for your parents for giving you options and for your discovery of the right fit!
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